I’m not a fan of New Years Eve. I’ve never really been fussed about it, mostly due to the fact that between the ages of 16 and 21, I was ill every single year for NYE. After that, it just wasn’t something I was bothered about. Since we’ve had the boys, I think we’ve actually been in bed before midnight every year.
So I was a bit surprised when I found myself mulling over things on NYE. I always sit in Hugo and Jaspers room at bedtime until they settle, as they don’t let me leave until they are asleep. I was scrolling through Facebook sat at the end of Hugo’s bed. Obviously my newsfeed was filled with ‘new year, new me’ posts, and ‘can’t wait for 2017’, or people reflecting on the ‘amazing’ year that they’ve just had. The usual NYE rubbish. I found myself thinking that actually, I don’t want a new year, I want to rewind back to the start of 2016 and hope it turns out different.
2016 will always be the worst year of my life, the year that changed everything. The year that snatched away the future of one of my boys. I would do anything to be entering the new year without Duchenne but that’s not possible. Instead, we have to enter the new year with it. We can’t leave it behind, we can’t start again or make resolutions to make it better. It will never go away.
Until now, new year has never really meant anything to me. I’m not one to make resolutions or make life-changing decisions, things like that can be done all year round. But this year was different. It made me realise that each new year now will be filled with more challenges, and will ultimately edge us closer to the devastating effects of Duchenne. I don’t want ‘new years’, I want to freeze time and keep Hugo how he is.
Instead of going out or drinking to celebrate the new year, I had cuddles with this bunch! My little world xx