Breakdown! 

It finally happened 😢 I had a full on emotional breakdown on Friday. Following the ECG result, my mind was working overtime. I’d had a sleepless night Thursday, and also had Riley up with a temperature all night. Friday had disaster written all over it from the word go.

I couldn’t find any form of motivation in the morning at all. But then I surprised myself when I got to work and had a great morning, probably due to being very busy and not having time to think. Then, I was suddenly hit with a migraine after lunch. 

30 minutes into my afternoon and I felt dreadful. I felt sick, my migraine was horrendous and I was literally shaking. Then I just couldn’t control it any longer. I was dizzy and had an overwhelming urge to cry. I was panicking which didn’t help matters, I actually felt like I was going to collapse. Everything just suddenly hit me, right there in that moment. 

Luckily, I’m surrounded by so many supportive people who identified what was happening. I found a comforting shoulder to cry on and just let it all out. This had been building up all week, but it even surprised me when it happened. It was only a matter of time before my strength broke. 

I came home and took myself to bed for a couple of hours. If I’m being perfectly honest, I cried all the way home and cried myself to sleep. It was the overdue release that I needed. It was two of our best friends leaving party that night, and it pains me to say it but I couldn’t even face getting ready. I sat on the sofa in a zombie-like state preparing myself. 

After a shower, I actually felt better and ready to take on the evening. It was an emotional night. Not only because two very good friends of ours are leaving for the other side of the world, but also because Hugo was a focus of the night. Natalie said a few words about Hugo (which set my tears off again) and people were donating to Hugo’s fund. Seeing how much that little boy means to our friends completely warms my hearts but also breaks it to see how upsetting it is for them too. Natalie held Hugo when he was only a couple of hours old and she’s always had a special connection with him. With these situations comes the unavoidable conversations with people asking about Hugo. I think Danny and I went through that conversation with numerous different people, and it breaks my heart each and every time. I still can’t accept that it’s OUR child we are talking about. 

We got home and had a few tears together and bizarrely Hugo woke up and appeared downstairs with a huge smile on his face. It was as if he knew and he just wanted to show us that he is still the same happy Hugo who always brings a smile to our faces… 

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